TOEFL Essay Writing Task 2: Argument Essay Practice

Submitted by libardo on Thu, 06/04/2009 - 09:46

Posted in:

TOEFL

Instructions: Develop an essay of about 250 words, with a time limit of 30 minutes, responding to the following question:

Do you agree or disagree? "You should always get the advice of others when you are making an important decision."

Remember the Essay Structure for an argument type of essay:

Introduction

Background Sentence

Detailed Background

Thesis

Outline sentences

Supporting Paragraphs 1 and 2

Topic sentence (argument)

Example

Explanation

Conclusion (of the paragraph)

Concluding Paragraph

Thesis

Argument

Prediction or Recomendation

Submitted by felipeheta on Wed, 07/08/2009 - 11:43.

Our lives are full of decisions, from our breakfast until dinner, from our school until university, from our girlfriend until our wife; thus, a lot of choices that imply making a decision. However, there are people who always get the advice of others when they are making any decision. I disagree with this kind of persons because I strongly believe that we are free beings able to make our owns decision and, I think that this kind of persons have lack of commitment whit his lives.

First and foremost, we need to recognize that we have the power to led our lives thanks to we can make our own decision, as someone call self determination. As an illustration, think in the animals, they can’t decide their lunch or the way that want run; as you can see, we are a superior beings so use this tool and enjoy making your own decisions.

Secondly, if you always follow the advice of others, you become in a puppet. For instance, if I make an investment following the advice of others and it becomes in a bad decision, is easier think that the other is the guilty, but it is lack of commitment and cowardly attitude. For this reason I think that is better make our owns decision, and take the responsibility of our own decision whether the result is god or not.

Finally, as a conclusion and taking into account the ideas showed above, make your own decision if you want to take advantage of tools as self determination and if you want to take the control of your live. And remember, if you can’t take some decision and want an advice, ask or look for people that are success in the same field.

Submitted by libardo on Wed, 07/08/2009 - 15:38.

RATING 1.5/4

When you're planning your essay, well, we know that you have to think in terms of:

1) Thesis

2) Argument 1 (which supports your thesis)

3) Same as point 2.

"Task achievement" is a little harmed here.

Agree	Disagree
1. A way to avoid mistakes that other have made.	1. The more information you have, the more complicated your decision will be.
2. Two heads think more than one.	2. What works for someone doesn't necessarily work for someone else.

"I disagree with this kind of persons" is not quite the way we write our thesis statement. You have to clarify your thesis. It should be a self-sufficient sentence (it doesn't need any referent from before), which is not the case when you say "this kind of persons"... you end up wondering, as a reader, if you didn't have any other context, "which kind of people is he talking about"?

Recommendation: "I disagree with people who are always getting for advice when making important decisions".

GRAMMAR:

Our lives are full of decisions, from our breakfast until dinner, from our school until university, from our girlfriend until our wife; thus, a lot of choices that imply making a decision. However, there are people who always get the advice of others when ~~they are~~ making any decision. I disagree with this kind of persons because I strongly believe that we are free beings able to make our owns decision and, I think that this kind of persons have lack of commitment whit his lives.

First and foremost, we need to recognize that we have the power to led (lead) our lives thanks to (the fact that) we can make our own decisions, as some~~one~~ (people) call self determination. As an illustration, think in (of, about) ~~the~~ animals, they can’t decide on their lunch or the way that they want to run; as you can see, we are a superior beings so use this tool and enjoy making your own decisions.

Secondly, if you always follow the advice of others, you become in a puppet. For instance, if I make an investment following the advice of others and it becomes in a bad decision, it is easier to think that the other is ~~the guilty~~ (at fault, to blame, or guilty), but it is lack of commitment and cowardly attitude. For this reason I think that it is better to make our owns decision, and take the responsibility of our own decision whether the result is god or not.

Finally, as a conclusion and taking into account the ideas showed shown above, make your own decisions if you want to take advantage of tools as self determination and if you want to take the control of your live. And remember, if you can’t ~~take~~ make some decision and want an some advice, ask or look for people that are successful in the same field.